Stella.

Just hours after I took this photo, she was no longer here with us. I still can’t believe how quickly it happened. Just three short weeks ago.

Reminding her of the agreement we’d made over the weekend – that the next seizure would be her final one because I wasn’t going to let her suffer anymore.
Holding her on the cool bathroom floor as best I could with a pregnant stomach in the way.
Telling her just how much she meant to me and that it was all going to be OK.
Knowing we needed to get her to the vet ASAP but really not wanting to go.

At the age of 34, you’d figure I’d be used to making all sorts of grown up decisions – buying a home, starting a family, etc. – but making the decision to put a pet down was single handily the hardest thing I’ve done in my life. She went quickly and quietly and as much as I wished we could have done it at home, where she wasn’t confused or afraid, it had to be done. She will always be our first baby.

Call me a bit morbid, but we got her remains back and she sits at the entry to our now quiet home. I light a candle for her every evening if I’m home and give her urn a pat and a goodnight on my way to bed. At some point, we’ll take her down to the ocean but I’m not quite ready to let go just yet. I so wish she could have met our little girl, whose impending arrival has somewhat softened the blow of this huge loss. And though they will never meet, our daughter will always have black and white puppy toys around her, whether she likes it or not 😉

Love you Smells.

Currently

Watching: GoT. And sometimes twice in one week. I mean, why not? Love that show and am more than happy to re-watch with the hubby when he can’t watch it earlier in the week. I have a friend who couldn’t watch it while pregnant because it stressed her out too much. Glad I’m the opposite! It’s like my meditation.

Loving: Actually showing! The first six months of this pregnancy looked like I over indulged at Chipotle #notagoodlook. Happy to finally be rounding out though I suspect that will change around month eight when I’m as large as a blimp. Also loving our new/used car gifted from Adam’s family. I was a tad worried about the car situation with a new baby (ie. that crappy truck) and now we’re all safe and sound with Grandma Roz’s Malibu which came to us all of the way from Florida.

Listening to: BORNS. Saw this band at Sasquatch and loved, loved, loved them. This ‘ish is on repeat.

Doing: Oh just switching doctors midway through our pregnancy! I’d spent the first trimester hella anxious about any and everything that I really didn’t have the brain power to think about our options. Since things have been good so far and we’re hoping for a natural birth, we decided to move to the midwives clinic at Northwest Hospital. It’s a completely different vibe and I’m loving what they are putting out there. I like the idea of being in the hospital but with the option of few interventions. I also love, that unlike an OB, they are there with you at the hospital from the get-go. If it’s a 20+ hour labor, then they are there 20+ hours. Talk about customer service! 

Reading: Parenting without Borders by Christine Gross-Loh. Kinda skipped over the labor and delivery stuff and am super intrigued as to how other cultures raise their children. Kindness, empathy, self-reliance and community? Sign me up. This blog series on motherhood around the world first got me hooked. I suspect this will be re-read in due time.

Eating: Strawberries and sandwiches. Then more strawberries. I haven’t had any real food sensitivities or uber weird cravings at all. Definitely feeling more hungry these days though. Glad that the local farmer’s markets are in full swing and I can get my fruit fix!

Thinking about: How to have a little fun this summer without  getting eaten alive by mosquitoes. We usually do a lot of camping and hiking but have had to cancel those plans. I know Zika isn’t in Washington state, but guys, I get seriously attacked. I can’t imagine 100+ bites being good for my immune system nor the DEET I need to slather on to try and keep them away. So that pretty much keeps us in town for the summer. Sad face.

**Also, how cool is this 3D image of our little one? Oh technology!

Save

The big reveal!

We hosted a little reveal/BBQ for the family a few weekends ago. Being the first grandchild on both sides adds a bit of extra excitement for all so why not make it extra fun!? The hubby and I found out a few days prior to the party then quickly planned everything out for the big reveal. I pulled most of the decor from my event stash and went with the half pink and half blue theme. The peonies came from the yard which was a total win. And I ordered the cake from local bakery, Borracchini’s Bakery. Now this is not your organic, GF cake. This is a straight up old school sugar bomb. I’m still having dreams about this cake…but I digress. Most importantly, we used the cake to reveal the sex of the baby with colored frosting in the middle. We wanted to be sure to add a bit of memory making too so we made all party guests sign the ultrasound photo in either pink or blue depending on what they thought it was. I also printed out baby wish cards for everyone to fill out which will go in the baby book. This lil gal is so loved already!

Hello? Is this thing on?

Yeah, where to start on this one…it’s been a grip. Sorry about that folks. Work was crazy busy for a minute then we officially entered the second trimester and now I can hardly put a sentence together nor write my own name. Thank god for spell check! I do recall that two Fridays ago we found out we are having a little girl, which is crazy exciting. The fact that I haven’t bought one single piece of clothing is also pretty exciting as I’m a notorious shopper. My Mom is a different story though 🙂 So lots of baby stuff happening right now.

Work has quieted down. We somehow broke last year’s Luncheon record and raised $1.3 million. Gawd, folks are generous. So freaking generous. Spending this summer prepping for Luncheon 2017 so I can take my maternity leave in peace. I’ll have to hit the ground running after the first of the year though. Oy.

Garden is hanging on. I managed to get tomatoes in the ground but have neglected all vegetables. Still got my eye on strawberries, blueberries and raspberries though. Can’t let those lovelies wither and die! Had a bumper crop of peonies that were gorgeous so I consider that a win. We’ll see what next year holds.

What else? Been making lots of time for friends. Dinner with friends, coffee with friends, friend’s baby showers…it’s fun to catch up with the gal pals and makes me feel semi-normal even though a glass of wine is no longer included. Speaking of friends, cleared out the last of my belongings from my ‘rents house and came across ye old yearbooks. Wow. First off, who let me tweeze my eyebrows to death? And secondly, let this be a lesson learned for our future daughter. LEAVE YOUR EYEBROWS ALONE.

Oh and I’m going to the Gorge for one night of Sasquatch this weekend. Moms – am I crazy? I guess we’ll find out!

Currently

Watching: We broke down and got basic cable (face to palm) a few months ago as having it would actually save us on our internet bill. So ass backwards, but I digress….so yeah, lots of E! and Bravo have been happening as of late. And I must admit, it’s fun to watch all of the debates too! #feeltheburn AND we got a new sectional last week so that’s been making viewing extra enjoyable!

Loving: The sunny Seattle weather! I cleaned up the patio last weekend and dusted off the chairs knowing that we’ll be spending a lot of time out there. Vacations will mostly be put on hold this year so the patio and I will be besties I think. The sun gave me that final boost to get some seeds into the ground too. Better late than never, right? Christ.

Listening to: My dog bark again! For once, a lovely, lovely sound. She had a big seizure the other week and hasn’t been acting herself lately. Plus, she’s totally lost her equilibrium and topples over kinda like a fainting goat. It’s hella sad but a tiny bit funny at the same time. Last night, she barked at the neighbors so I know she’s feeling better.

Doing: Trying to pick out a bathroom paint color. Ugh. I know it should be on the lighter side, but lighter grey or lighter blue? Does someone want to come over and pick a dang color for me? I’m dreading picking out a nursery color here shortly. Thankfully, I don’t have to do the actual painting! Thanks kid 🙂

Reading: A variety of pregnancy books. Not horribly exciting nor informing at this stage. Baby is just growing and I’ve seen very few symptoms. Seems like things get a bit more thrilling in a few months? Let a gal know!

Eating: Oatmeal with pineapple. Something about that combo has been really hitting the spot lately. Also, anything in the form of breakfast sandwiches. Gawd. Serve it up!

Thinking about: My upcoming fundraiser luncheon. Things just aren’t panning out like they usually do and I’m preparing myself for my first non-record breaking year. It isn’t for a lack of trying – I just can’t seem to motivate people this year. Ugh.